3 a.m.

Sometimes I lay in darkness
and think about the day and all it's happenings
and the time slides by and the night goes on
right past me.
In those nights, I wonder about the state of the world,
of myself the Earth and all it's inhabitants.
It seems to me that we are not doomed.
But there is so much that is frightening in every day life
the dark of night seems to press in on me as I contemplate
oil spills and death and economic downturns, the consistent
trashing of the earth in the name of mindless profit to feed the
egos of the pointlessly greedy.
I wonder if the demons in my head will let me sleep, or if they will
taunt me all night. Sometimes even a cup of mint tea and 3 aspirin
will do no good.
On nights like this, I wonder who to turn to?
I am skeptical of Jesus, Buddha, Allah, all the saints and all the Hindu gods and goddesses...
somehow they seem to either be dead icons of madness cults
or they are all the same being reaching out to us from a great beyond that is so far past human comprehension it would take every bible in the world and every other book too, to equal a minuscule moment of it's tiny-ist thought.
Either way, I gave prayer a try.
Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
I have had some luck. But not with oil spills off gulf coasts, or stopping the AIDS virus or ending starvation. God is peculiar or non-existent.
More aspirin...?
no... writing instead.
Is love God? Then why does love often lead us to misery? Is money God? only if the root of all evil is God...is compassion God?
-3 am thoughts, what if all life were connected beyond time and that life is more than god and nothing like a devil, it is just the feeling of oneness when you hold a flower in your hand and the wind binds you your fingers to the flower in that caress is so much fire, this morning I can't sleep but I remember holding you your petals were yellow and you touched my hand, little daisy you are the God I'm looking for”.